Having never been married with no children at the age of 61 used to bother me. I felt less than whole, less than a woman. There were times I'd cry until the tears could flow no longer. Recently I had an epiphany. I'm a fabulous party of one. To be fabulous is to be phenomenal or extraordinary. That I am. In today's lingo, I am a boss. One of my nieces, I'll call her Theena, has been telling me this for some time now. What I'm not saying is that I'm better than anyone else. However, in coming into my own, I have realized the uniqueness God created within me. At last I have wonderful self esteem which eluded me for decades. I haven't arrived, but I'm on the road to having the quality of life He desires for me.
For years I settled for the wrong men and bad relationships for terrible reasons. I did not want to be lonely. I desperately wanted to be married because most people I knew were either engaged or married. I know now that I'm better off being single and not being in a committed relationship or married to the wrong man and miserable. For me back then, having a man, any man, gave me validation. I felt like somebody. Truth be told, me requiring this acceptance from men as well as others turned out to be a deep-seated unhappiness from within. Discovering why I was miserable and working on getting rid of that was the key. I was able to move forward. I need no affirmation from anyone. Nor do any of you. Get to know and approve of self first and watch how things fall into place.
I've been proposed to a few times, but being one who was wild, trying to find herself and too young, I declined. Though there was hurt and anger on both sides it was for the best. I was having issues that I both knew about and was unaware of during those times and would've driven even the most strong-willed man to distraction. Proverbs: 21:9 "Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife." If you are single, yet have had the opportunity to have been married, don't do what I have done and second-guess yourself with the shoulda's, woulda's and coulda's. Those are deadly traps and will cause unnecessary pain and agony over that which cannot be changed. Eventually all of the negative energy will spill out and onto those whom you love.
If you listen to society and to the wrong people, you will feel bad about being single. I've been called an old maid, an old hag, and a spinster. I had once even been asked if I wasn't married because I was a bra-burning feminist. Have you ever?! Don't allow someone's opinion of you to blow you out of the water. They need to look at themselves in a mirror and check out what issues they have before trying to solve your problems. Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." No matter the insensitive name-calling, being single has afforded me the opportunity to explore what I want out of life, to set goals and how to reach them. I've learned how to build up my confidence and how to care for and about myself.
If you desire to date, be careful. Make sure you are ready, and don't allow anyone to cause you to rush into something for which you are ill-prepared. Build up your strength, dignity and confidence first. I've tried online dating and it almost turned out disastrous. Dude attempted to catfish me. As always the Lord was on my side and made me aware. Some people just are not honest and up-front about who they really are. Discernment, caution and being choosy is always a must no matter who you meet and how. Today I leave you with a poem I wrote.
I got very tired of fighting
my way through this old and worn-out world
but hey, I just have to see how
the rest of my life beautifully unfurls
My way, oh no, has never been easy
it's been a lot of me going up-hill
then plummeting down into many valleys
yet being so strong, I am standing, still
I used to run far, far and farther away
from all of this confusing, chaotic scene
but now that I am much older and wiser
I'm at the point where I'm content and serene
At sixty-one years and fabulous
I have at long last found my way
while sometimes life can be harder
it's much better than my other yesterday's
With my head held high I now know
that as I bounce when they see me walk
I have no problem in telling myself
yeah girl, you definitely can talk that talk
Written by Keena H. Smith
July 16, 2020
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