Broken But I'm Healed

06 Aug

Michael and I lived in a cramped room in a boarding house in Charlottesville, VA that summer. Because I tried going to the party happening downstairs , World Word Three was taking place upstairs. His jealousy and possessiveness had been unleashed. That beast came out with a vengeance. I tried to defend myself, but Michael had been a semi-professional boxer. I was no match for him. When I would hit Michael he'd only punch me harder. At one point, I took a blow that was so violent I flew on to the bed, bounced off only to land on the floor in a crying, whimpering and bloody heap. I suffered damaging cruelty that night in more ways than physical. Not only was my body broken, but my heart, my soul, my spirit and my entire being had been laid bare and torn asunder.

I suffered a broken jaw and nose along with a busted eardrum. Michael had so viciously struck me in my eye many times it was black and blue and swollen shut. My doctors were afraid that I'd lose my sight. I praise Father Yah (God) that He was merciful and I did not. Due to the strong blows to my head, I had been rendered unconscious. To this day I still do not remember being taken to the Emergency Room or going back to the boarding house. All I know is waking up on the sofa and barely being able to walk, with a headache that felt like a Heavy Metal Rock Band was in full concert in my head. All I could do was to go back to the couch and cry until I looked up to see my mom helping me walk to her car taking me home to Staunton.

Once my body healed I moved back to Charlottesville. I found a room in another boarding house. Somehow Michael found me. Eventually I began seeing him again, and we found an apartment. You may wonder why on earth would I go back with the man who almost killed me. Battered women often go back to their abuser for a variety of reasons. It can be like the Stockholm Syndrome where we sympathize with the man. The tell us they love us, and they will never hurt us again. Because we love them, we believe the lie. How many of you know if you hear a something long enough it starts to becomes the truth in your mind because we all learn by repetition. We also stay because of fear that should we try to leave he will kill us as he says he will do. Attempting to leave the abuser is a very dangerous time. If a woman has no one as a safety net to intervene, she may lose her life. Then there is shame to tell anyone we are being beaten; having low self-esteem and/or not having the financial resources to make it on our own are other reasons. 

Michael's promise to keep his hands to himself was not kept. With abusive men, the promise is always never meant. This time, however, my co-workers were well aware of my plight and they intervened. I had talked Michael into going to work by swearing not to call the Police. He believed me. I did call my job to let them know I was not coming in that day, but they said I had to, and I did. Once they saw me they knew it was time to keep me safe and away from Michael. This was their chance. They hid me away far in the country where Michael could never find me for two weeks. I had the time to cry, to heal, to yell, to scream, and even to wonder what I had done to deserve what I thought was punishment for some sin I must have committed. Know that abuse, like rape, is about power and control, and women don't have to do anything to deserve it.

Proverbs 31:10(b) "For her worth is far above jewels (rubies)." God values you, and you are precious to Him. He sees all that you have gone through, and He does not take that lightly. He knows all of your hidden injuries and He wants you to be made whole. He desires to heal and to restore you, and He will. What you have endured breaks His heart. Know that there's hope, which in the Bible means confident expectation. Be confidently expectant that the Lord has your back. He got this. Others are out there as well are an extension of His love and guidance. In my area is New Directions and they can be found on Face Book and at (540) 886-6800. Also, The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Once I gave my life to Yeshua (Jesus), He began to heal my broken, bruised and battered body, heart, soul, spirit and life. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. I was broken, but praises to Father Yah, I am now healed. I leave you with this. Psalm 147:3 "He (God) heals the brokenhearted and binds (bandages) up their wounds." Peace be unto all of you now and forevermore.

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